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Thursday, 18 July 2013

Murder of the Queen's language

Hullo!

Yes, a "Hullo" is just the beginning. Whatever happened to good old "Hello!"; pronunciation wise. As for writing it, why do people say "Hallo!". I don't get it. The Queen doesn't get it. Good Lord, do you even get it!?

In this post, I will go on about all the English-language-related crimes committed by people in my office. Seriously, who else can be the butt of my jokes?

Written English:


"I request you to kindly revert back"- Why? First of all, allow me to say, the usage of "revert" itself is wrong. What, you think I'm wrong? Go here. You see? So, technically, what that sentence means is "I request you to kindly return back." Return back what? Your God awful English? Oh, oh, oh, me first!


"Provision for doughful debts"- Whatever happened to proofreading e-mails and then sending it to clients. Whatever happened to spell check. You are using a computer, it does not auto correct and "doughful" is not even a word! Just f.y.i, what was meant was "Provision for doubtful debts"

Spoken English:


"Aap laser ko analyze keejiye"- Am I the only one to have seniors who write, walk and talk pathetic English. I know for a fact that you would think "What's wrong with her? What's so wrong about that sentence?" Well, if you read my blog, you'll know that I am CA student. Lasers and stuff like that was abandoned by me back in my 10th standard (a couple of hundred years ago) Science textbook. So, what does that sentence mean? "Aap ledger to analyze keejiye." I know, I know, don't worry about it, me too.



"Sony Xpria"- Alright, alright, I know you've heard of Sony Xperia. No need to get all excited! But, did you read what I wrote properly? No, you didn't. Lets give it another try. Sony Xpria. Yep! Now you did it. The word itself is "Xperia"  which was pronounced by one of my colleagues as "Xpria". Seriously, dude, why? Just because Sony dropped an "E" from the beginning does not mean you drop an "E" from the word too. They are an MNC. And you are a, well, whatever. *Do not abuse a colleague on your blog*

"Oh shits yaar!"- IS THAT EVEN A WORD? "Shit"- okay. But the plural form? Shits? Shit itself is used to show heightened vulgarity and, well, profanity. Hey, Wikipedia says so, not according to you & I ;-). So, when a single "shit" can convey your meaning, why would you go for its plural form?

"Oh fricks!"- No. It is not a word. Freak. Now that is the word this girl was going for. But, her pronunciation gave her "frick". With an added "s". We Indians love free things, I tell you. You know how today's generation uses the word freely. "Oh freak! I didn't study anything for the exam" Honey, if you could just drop the word, I can assure you your teacher wouldn't take 1 mark away from you. "Seriously? Is it raining that heavily? Is there flooding anywhere? Oh freak!" Okay, fine. Oh freak! So, all in all, I am fine with it. The current generation is making up its own language (so am I :D) but why the plural? How about just keeping it to "freak" and not reaching for an "s"?

"Woh mera hard dicks leke gayi"- I swear, this blog doesn't entertain adult content. I swear, this blog post is clean. So, what did the guy mean when he said that? Allow me to paint a picture. Okay, I have all ten seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and the guy wanted them. I refused to get them to the office and said if you want give me your hard drive disk and I'll give it to you. And he said "Woh mera hard dicks leke gayi." I was stunned for a moment or two and took my time to respond so as to not burst out laughing. He meant "Woh mera hard disc leke gayi." Yes, the interchanging of "c" and "s" is one thing I absolutely cannot stand! "Come on everybody! Lets go the dic-so!! Woot Woot!!" Get it?

"Aap gems se puchiye woh James ka stock take ka kya hua"- Yaar, gems se kaise puchega woh? Let me clear it for you, she meant, "Aap James se puchiye woh gems ka stock take ka kya hua." So, our client is a major player in the gems industry and a guy named "James" is an employee. And my senior interchanged the pronunciation. Why? Ask her, man.

I want you to analyse the analysis and list everything"- And then what do you want? Should I analyse the list and make an analysis again? X-(

"Give me the hard printout"- I think the printer just died laughing at that dialogue of yours. What's wrong with people!?

"Aaj Shreesha ka khaali hoga"- She was referring to my place at the office and my computer for someone Else's usage. Mera nahi, aapka khali hai. :-/

Okay, I need to get back to studying if I want to score 650+ on the GMAT exam. Hope you had a good laugh! :-)

*Kindly ignore English language errors, if any. The post was written while I was shaking uncontrollably with laughter. Can you blame me?* ;-)

Comments are most welcome!!