Sunday, 29 June 2014

I have seen the world change

Yeah, right!

I’m back! Finally! After a 6 month break (read, study leave, hehehe) I am back to routine, monotony and utter and complete boredom. Yes, office is to blame. How much has the world changed, really, in these 6 months where I only stepped out to go to the library and nowhere else? Okay, to the sandwich and chaat wala too, but that’s not important.

1. The Mumbai metro began its operations exactly a week before I was due to join and I was asked to haul my ass to a client at Andheri. Bham! Mumbai Metro, zindabad! At a flat rate of Rs.10, hell, it was (still is) cheaper than rickshaw and in some cases, the BEST bus! It’s nice, really. Fully air conditioned, beautifully maintained, well run and crew that is ever on its toes and always available. But, there’s always a “but”. Everything in India comes with a con, right?
(i) Do you know what I love most about the Mumbai metro? The lingering paan smell. Oh! Also, the fuck awesome body odour emanating from men and women travelling alongside me who not so surprisingly, considering the Rs.10 fare, smell of sweat and stink of raw fish. (I’m vegetarian. I hate the smell of fish, cooked or raw. I don’t care; go ahead and judge me, oh! You just called me a bitch. I agree.)
(ii) Do you know what’s slightly worse? How people are unable to use the token barricade. They long jump over the barricade and run. Damn! I shouldn't have stopped my long jump practice in school. And, more fun? Since people can’t use the token barricade properly, their entry into and exit from the metro station is delayed, by not just a few, but several seconds, nay, minutes! And? Yep! You guessed it right! There’s a huge, huge crowd behind them, trying to get out! Oh? I am an idiot, right? I should have just shoved and pushed past people like these other people and broken my own code of discipline, manners and courtesy. Hmm.
(iii) So, who are these other people? The tourist crowd and other *ahem* crowd who are taking joy rides on the metro since “aga! meytro madhe fakta daha rupyat amala AC milel!! Tsal zauyah!”  (Arre! On the metro, for Rs.10 we are getting an AC ride!! Let’s go!!) Here’s some not-so-common sense to you jackholes. Go ahead, take your joy rides! I’m not the one to stop you. I don’t have the authority (I wish I did!) You know what you can do? DON’T TAKE YOUR JOY RIDE DURING PEAK OFFICE HOURS! OR IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO BLOODY UNDERSTAND? You are giving the MMOPL revenue, great! You are getting an AC ride for Rs.10, awesome! Please, as a consideration to us mere mortals who earn our living, take your rides between 12 and 4. Let. Us. Please. For. The. Love. Of. God. Travel. In. Peace.
(iv)  Also, if any of you women, ask me ever again whether there is a ladies’ coach, I swear, I will NOT keep a straight face and respond and will give such a scathing response to you that I will feel bad about it for the rest of my life. We don’t have separate coaches for men and women. It is all the same. The metro is not a nau/bara/pandra dabba local train. It’s the metro. Fuck! It gets you from Ghatkopar to Andheri in 15 min. Can you PLEASE not ask me about ladies’ coach ever again? Thank you!
(v) A sincere and heartfelt request to MMRDA, Veolia Transport and Reliance Infra, please, please, please just increase the fares already. At least half the crowd will get filtered out in a matter of days. Trust me when I say this. Just do it already.

2. Mumbai local train- Ah, it’s been a year since I last travelled by train. Yes, because about 2 months before I was due to go on leave, I was sent to the office near my home for tax audit filing. So, a year since local train travel. The first day, I travelled by a Thane local, to Ghatkopar and felt like a death sentence would have been much easier. the crowd is MUCH more rowdy, uncivilized and just pure yuck! My mistake, the first day I travelled by ticket. Second day, I stood in line and got myself a first class pass. Doesn’t make the travel A LOT better anyway since the ticketless crowd prefers travelling by first class, since they are ticketless anyway! So, there you go!

Yeah, so, these two were the two main aspects of “seeing the world change”. LOL. I feel like I’m 100 years old! “I’ve seen the world change” heeeheeheee. I’ve missed the blog, AND my regular readers (Do I really have any?) muah!!